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Why I Let My Children Fight Bullies: Empowering Kids with Self-Defense and Boundaries
Bullying is a serious problem that affects millions of children every year. As a parent, it’s natural to want to protect your children from harm. Children committing suicide is not an uncommon occurrence. Some parents believe that letting their children fight back against bullies can be an effective way to empower them. I am one of those parents. In this blog post, we’ll explore the effects of bullying and letting your children fight bullies. We will also look as well at how to prepare and support them in doing so.
The Harm of Bullying
Bullying can take many forms, including physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. It can happen at school, online, or in the community. The effects of bullying on children can be long-lasting and include anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. It can effect a person their entire life in terrible ways.
When my first son went to daycare we started having problems with another toddler biting and using violence regularly. At such a young age I just couldn’t see teaching my son to hit or use violence to deter the other kid. They’re kids, it’s what they do? Isn’t it? A three or four year old doesn’t know any better. That’s what the consensus is, anyway.
However, it didn’t take long for me to quickly tire of my son coming home and having purple bite marks on his body. He had been going to daycare for three months or so and we had been trying to deal with this early on in that time frame. I decided I wasn’t going to raise a victim the day he came home with a bite mark on his face from a child his same age.
We started talking about how you can’t hit people, and people cannot hit you. It didn’t take very long to be reassured that he understood that hitting wasn’t the first option when there was a problem. We had exhausted several steps. We talked to the faculty, we talked to the repeat offenders’ parents, and we got nowhere. Nowhere, that is, until he started immediately striking back. It only took two or three times and it all ended.
We didn’t have any more problems with bullying until he was in second grade. There was a ‘problem child’ that we couldn’t find a solution to. One child lashed out at many of the classmates regularly. The child regularly began biting and striking my son. We talked to the principal, the teachers, the other parent. The ‘problem child’ had also bitten the second grade teacher on her upper torso well above her stomach. At the final straw meeting I had with the principal, I told him I had instructed my son to use violence to end this. A day or two later it happened again and my son hit the ‘problem child’, as the school called him, square in the face several times. We didn’t have any more problems with him at all.
Shortly after this had been resolved we enrolled two of my children into mixed martial arts. They learned self defense both physically and mentally. Martial arts is an excellent way to learn self confidence and comraderie. Martial arts is not all about violence and every school we have been to denounces using violence except as a last resort.
My son, quite a few years later, had similar problems in 8th and 9th grade when we moved to Berlin, Germany and he had to handle them the same way, unfortunately. However, they were quickly nipped in the bud.
I am not raising victims. I have three other sons and I supported them the same way. The two youngest boys went to Kita in Germany, where kids sometimes fight but learn early on that violence is met with violence. It was rare to see children, or anyone above about 5 years old, fighting. They learned going through Kita (pre school ran by the State) that fighting was not generally productive. In Kita the kids were not immediately stopped when they hit someone back or kids were fighting.
Why Letting Your Children Fight Back is Important
Allowing your children to fight back against bullies can be a way to empower them and teach them self-defence skills. The best time to start is when they begin school. When a bullied child has had to endure a lifetime of ruthless bullying it may be too late. It can also help them set boundaries and assert themselves in difficult situations. Using violence should never be the first stage of conflict resolution, though. When talking has exhausted any meaningful end what is more talking going to accomplish? Not much.
Preparing Your Children to Fight Bullies
Communication and awareness are key to preparing your children to stand up to and fight bullies. You should talk to your children about what bullying is, how to recognize it, and how to respond. Physical and emotional training, such as martial arts classes or therapy, can also help your children develop the skills they need to defend themselves. Role-playing scenarios can also be a useful tool for teaching your children how to respond to bullying situations. Overall, self confidence will be a huge help when dealing with bullying.
Supporting Your Children in Fighting Bullies
It’s important to validate your children’s experiences and provide them with emotional support when they choose to fight back against bullies. Working with schools and communities to address bullying can also be an effective way to support your children. In the very beginning I didn’t support children fighting even if it was against bullies. Violence is not supposed to solve anything. Except, it does! You can support your child to fight back against bullies while encouraging them to still be compassionate human beings. Being forced to be victimized makes with no recourse can make a person bitter, hateful, or even later in life a bully themselves.
The Limitations of Letting Your Children Fight Bullies
There are potential legal consequences to letting your children fight bullies, and there is also a risk that the situation could escalate. It’s important to consider the ethical implications of letting your children fight back against bullies, as it could perpetuate a cycle of violence. You know your children and your situation better than anyone else. Hopefully. Obviously, fighting is not the first step and you shouldn’t be surprised when it comes to a head and something happens. This should be early in the altercations instead of the victimized child bringing a gun or knife to school and using it against his tormentors. Most of the child school shooters were bullied and did terrible things when they snapped. Not every bullied child is going to snap and do terrible things but when life feels hopeless and with no end to the torment one can understand what could lead someone to that path.
Conclusion
Letting your children fight bullies can be an effective way to empower them and teach them self-defense skills. It’s important to consider the potential legal and ethical limitations. Nevertheless, parents can still prepare and support their children to deal with bullies by providing them with the right communication, gcompassion, and emotional and physical training. Parents should also work with schools and communities to create a safe environment for children to thrive in. By doing so, we can help our children develop the confidence and skills they need to stand up to bullies and protect themselves.
